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Nafeesa

Grieving the Design you thought you "should" have

Having talked to hundreds of people about their Designs, and introducing people to Human Design, and being people’s first portal into this knowledge, I’ve realized that there’s definitely a grieving process that comes with first integrating your Design!


The grieving comes from mourning the person you thought you needed to be in order to be a successful, happy person.


Almost everyone–regardless of energy type, authority, or profile–goes through this grieving process in some form.


So my first thing is to let you know that if you’re experiencing this, you are DEFINITELY not alone!


To overly generalize, Projectors for instance, often grieve the fact that they are never going to be that Manifesting Generator:


They’re never going to be that person with that quick energy that can just do things;

They’re never going to create more energy when they’re lit up by something in that same way;

They’re never going to do a bunch of different things at the same time, and have that seemingly boundless energy!


Even though there’s some relief in realizing that they don’t need to try being like that anymore, there’s still a grieving process of “oh, that’s never going to be me. I can watch other people do that, but that’s never going to be MY gift; that’s never going to be how MY energy works."


For me personally, as someone who’s considered a Pure Generator, I definitely grieved (and sometimes still currently grieve) the fact that I’m never going to be that Manifestor.


I can’t just get up and initiate things, and do things, and have this big impact.

I really have to wait to respond, and my energy doesn’t move fast.


I’m never going to be that “go getter” and “hustler” in the way that I’d been conditioned to strive to be my whole life.


And so that’s been something to grieve on my end.


If you’re experiencing this grief of who you thought you needed to be in any form, again just know that you’re not alone, and I’m here to support you if you need any help!


Here are some experiences from people in my Instagram community:


Manifestor: “Finding out I was a Manifestor was a grieving process in the opposite way you spoke. Now it was this big beautiful permission slip to GO FOR IT and TAKE UP SPACE but as someone who survived by self-abandoning, that amount of pressure and responsibility felt hard and sharp and mean honestly. I wanted to surrender and be soft and let the Universe carry me or provide for me, etc. and so the grieving came in of like, no, you actually are as big as you tink/feel/know and now you actually have no excuses anymore.”


Generator: “Absolutely true here. I’d say the whole 2nd year of my experiment has been a process of alternating between grief and discovery. My mind is a Splenic Projector and my conscious channel is projected so I was actually bummed I wasn’t a Projector. Sometimes I love my Generator-ness but thenI’ll be bummed I’m not an MG with a faster Design and a defined throat. I keep coming back to my own definition though and it’s more expansive each time I return. It’s been kinda nice to let go of the mental pressure to guide like a Projector, to relax into my motors and be the best ally I can be to the many Projectors I know and love.”


Self-Projected Projector: “Thanks to our mentorship together, I am able to speak out loud on this and the grieving is huge. I realise that unconsciously I’ve been trying to keep up or blaming myself for not being able to keep up with Generators and Manifesting Generators. And now I’m grieving that I never will be able to! As I watch my close friends execute things on the daily. But all I’ve learned so far on being a Projector has really helped me feel understood and seen! Work in progress…”


So remember, you’re not alone, and the point of this Human Design stuff is to love yourself and the way YOU uniquely operate!




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